Sometimes life feels like one huge series of goodbyes. I used to move around quite a bit, so I felt like a pro at them. Sure, I was sad to leave the number of friends I had made behind, but the goodbyes just didn't seem to hurt like they do as I have gotten older. I really love meeting new people and I love having a ton of friends. Recently though, I've become so guarded. After having friendships turn out to be nothing but a joke, relationships fall apart, family ties be cut, and just flat out having to live without Greyson, I want absolutely no part in it. I do need to mention that in the midst of all these goodbyes I have gained the most wonderful bestfriend imaginable. Aside from that relationship, I have been keeping myself way more than 'an arm's length away' from everyone. I definitely still have a ton of friends, but I've lost all desire to really enjoy those friendships and relationships with people. I mean, I don't want to run the risk of hurting someone or being hurt myself. Now, I am a firm believer in choosing your closest friends carefully, but I'm just scared as hell. It's as simple as that. I'm too scared to even believe that someone might want to care. I'm too scared to begin to believe that I should let myself be close to someone. What kind of life is that though, living in fear? I'm positive that I am not the only person that does this or feels this way. So, let's just stop all this nonsense and live fully and love everyone fully. Put your all into it. Believe in the good people have to offer. Believe in the good you have to offer others. I am fully aware that I need to 'jump in', so to speak, and LIVE. So, that's exactly what I'll do.
<3R
